tonight my kids and i were watching celebrity family feud...( i know, get a life)
the very first question was:
"name the person married women are most likely to have an affair with that comes to their house".
much to the delight of my children,and much to my amazement
mailman was number one!
we edged out the UPS/FedX guy at number two.
we kicked the collective butts of
cable guy, gardener, neighbor, pool guy, and i can't remember who else.
who knew?
sorry ladies..
the way management is hitting us for under time, i think you're just gonna have to settle for
fantasizing about the mailman.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
if i were the postmaster general
if i was in charge of this here operation, things would change.
lots of things.
1)the name of the game would be trying to keep workers happy, knowing that happy workers are more productive, and give better service..better service equals more business ..which equals a healthy bottom line..which means a happy company.
2)carriers would be given EARLIER start times in the summer so that they could get the pivots set up earlier.. and they would not be starting their jobs in the blazing afternoon sun.
they would also end tour earlier so they could have some time to spend with friends and fam which would make them happier..(see number 1).
3) the uniform would loosen up for the summer too..no daisy dukes or tank tops..
but at least groovy message t-shirts..so we'd be like walkng billboards..cool walking billboards.
4)the LLV's would be retrofitted as convertibles, or at least with air conditioners and sunroofs..and CD players
everybody else is having fun in the sun..so why shouldn't we?
5) people with last minute vacation needs would be granted time off..that's what those TE's were hired for, right? or better yet..give the regulars some freakin OT
so they can afford to go on a vacation in the first place!!!!
i'm on vacation next week..and will leave all of this stuff far behind for a while.
after this week's nonsense (letter of warning for a missed scan point????
seriously???) i am good and ready to bust out ...maybe you know the feeling!
lots of things.
1)the name of the game would be trying to keep workers happy, knowing that happy workers are more productive, and give better service..better service equals more business ..which equals a healthy bottom line..which means a happy company.
2)carriers would be given EARLIER start times in the summer so that they could get the pivots set up earlier.. and they would not be starting their jobs in the blazing afternoon sun.
they would also end tour earlier so they could have some time to spend with friends and fam which would make them happier..(see number 1).
3) the uniform would loosen up for the summer too..no daisy dukes or tank tops..
but at least groovy message t-shirts..so we'd be like walkng billboards..cool walking billboards.
4)the LLV's would be retrofitted as convertibles, or at least with air conditioners and sunroofs..and CD players
everybody else is having fun in the sun..so why shouldn't we?
5) people with last minute vacation needs would be granted time off..that's what those TE's were hired for, right? or better yet..give the regulars some freakin OT
so they can afford to go on a vacation in the first place!!!!
i'm on vacation next week..and will leave all of this stuff far behind for a while.
after this week's nonsense (letter of warning for a missed scan point????
seriously???) i am good and ready to bust out ...maybe you know the feeling!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
food drive revisisted
When the temps are hot, the food drive ain't so fun...( i overheard one of my co-workers referring to it as the FFD ...f..ing food drive). we all start out feeling good about helping but by week's end, we're just a bunch of angry schleppers.
The other day, temps soared into the high eighties.
A customer (also in her high eighties) left this lovely earless easter bunny
for the carrier to take to the food bank.
"Some little kid is gonna love this!" she told the carrier.
Not as much as i love it!
Where the hell are the ears???
Don't know if you can see it on the picture, but there is a big old hole in the cellophane wrapper where she ripped into it!
Can't decide which is more bizzare; the deaf rabbit or last year's chocolate handcuffs.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
food drive faux pas
nothing is worse than picking up food for the food drive
and having to look at it all day when you are really hungry.
all the sudden, that 5 year old can of pinto beans with the dents in it
makes your mouth water. it is a battle just to keep yourself from ripping open the box of Corn Flakes and grabbing a few hand fulls.
okay, there is something worse.
what's worse is picking up food all day while hungry and then being the one that delivers the food after work to the food cupboard when you are now way beyond hungry. you're wondering what Ramon noodles would taste like dry. that kind of hungry.
you're never supposed to go grocery shopping when you're hungry.
likewise you should never deliver food to a food pantry while hungry.
with that in mind, i made a trip to the vending machine inside the P.O. and bought a bag of Twizzlers and a bag of animal crackers to eat before making the trek.
after wolfing them down, i stuffed the empty bags in my pocket.
when i hopped out at the pantry i was greeted by a host of elderly volunteers, ready to help unload the tubs of food. i opened up the back of the truck, then threw my vehicle keys in my pocket. that's when it happened. the crinkling sound heard round the world.
as my keys hit the empty wrappers in my pocket, i felt as if all of those volunteers were thinking that i ate some of their food and had jammed the evidence into my pocket.
of course none of them were actually thinking that..
or were they?
and having to look at it all day when you are really hungry.
all the sudden, that 5 year old can of pinto beans with the dents in it
makes your mouth water. it is a battle just to keep yourself from ripping open the box of Corn Flakes and grabbing a few hand fulls.
okay, there is something worse.
what's worse is picking up food all day while hungry and then being the one that delivers the food after work to the food cupboard when you are now way beyond hungry. you're wondering what Ramon noodles would taste like dry. that kind of hungry.
you're never supposed to go grocery shopping when you're hungry.
likewise you should never deliver food to a food pantry while hungry.
with that in mind, i made a trip to the vending machine inside the P.O. and bought a bag of Twizzlers and a bag of animal crackers to eat before making the trek.
after wolfing them down, i stuffed the empty bags in my pocket.
when i hopped out at the pantry i was greeted by a host of elderly volunteers, ready to help unload the tubs of food. i opened up the back of the truck, then threw my vehicle keys in my pocket. that's when it happened. the crinkling sound heard round the world.
as my keys hit the empty wrappers in my pocket, i felt as if all of those volunteers were thinking that i ate some of their food and had jammed the evidence into my pocket.
of course none of them were actually thinking that..
or were they?
Saturday, May 31, 2008
another postal dream dashed
i'm not talking about the kind of dreaming you do at night while sleeping.
i'm talking about the kind where you have what you think is an awesome entry for a
national contest to come up with a 60 second commercial for a postal product..and the winning idea becomes THE national postal commercial.
i had cool music, a fun concept and cool tag lines.
unfortunately it wasn't cool enough to even win the regional contest. (insert loud sobbing noise here).
i always wanted to be like Dick VanDyke and Morrie Amsterdam or Darren Stevens and Larry Tate on Bewitched..sitting around and playing with jingles and ad campaigns for a living.
guess i'm back to being, Cliff or even worse, Newman.
i'm talking about the kind where you have what you think is an awesome entry for a
national contest to come up with a 60 second commercial for a postal product..and the winning idea becomes THE national postal commercial.
i had cool music, a fun concept and cool tag lines.
unfortunately it wasn't cool enough to even win the regional contest. (insert loud sobbing noise here).
i always wanted to be like Dick VanDyke and Morrie Amsterdam or Darren Stevens and Larry Tate on Bewitched..sitting around and playing with jingles and ad campaigns for a living.
guess i'm back to being, Cliff or even worse, Newman.
Friday, May 16, 2008
karma contined: canine edition
sorry all of you dog lovers out there, but this story has to be told.
several years ago, a carrier that i work with, who will remain nameless, told me this karma filled episode from his route.
one of X's customers had a yappy little dog that would go batshit crazy every time
that he put mail in the box. not so unusual.
on one particular day, tired of this obnoxious pup, X decided to do some trash-talking at the dog through the closed door .
after calling the doggy a few choice names, he ended the conversation with "I hope you die!".
a few minutes later, one of the kids at the house opened the door to get the mail
and the dog got out.
at this point, X had already crossed the street to deliver the other side.
little old yappy, in hot pursuit of X, also crossed the street..or rather,
tried to. he had his eyes on the prize and didn't see the car coming.
sadly, it squashed him before he could fulfill his lifelong dream of sinking his incisors into X's leg. he died on the spot.
imagine X trying to comfort the grieving family, all the while knowing he and his postal karma had caused their pooch's untimely demise.
several years ago, a carrier that i work with, who will remain nameless, told me this karma filled episode from his route.
one of X's customers had a yappy little dog that would go batshit crazy every time
that he put mail in the box. not so unusual.
on one particular day, tired of this obnoxious pup, X decided to do some trash-talking at the dog through the closed door .
after calling the doggy a few choice names, he ended the conversation with "I hope you die!".
a few minutes later, one of the kids at the house opened the door to get the mail
and the dog got out.
at this point, X had already crossed the street to deliver the other side.
little old yappy, in hot pursuit of X, also crossed the street..or rather,
tried to. he had his eyes on the prize and didn't see the car coming.
sadly, it squashed him before he could fulfill his lifelong dream of sinking his incisors into X's leg. he died on the spot.
imagine X trying to comfort the grieving family, all the while knowing he and his postal karma had caused their pooch's untimely demise.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
don't jerk with the postal karma
a few routes ago, i had many, many customers that i adored
and a few that "challenged" me.
in fact three of the "challenges" lived on the same street.
VERY shortly after a particularly tough "situation" with customer #1,
i found out that he was guilty of Medicaid fraud (he was a shrink).
soon after, he lost his licence and faced a stiff financial penalty.
customer #2, after screwing with my brain, met a similar fate, only he was an anaesthesiologist, and wound up in the slammer!
customer # 3, (who insisted that i only deliver certain catalogs and not the others
even though i repeatedly tried to explain to him that when it comes to junk mail, it's all or nothing) wound up drowning in the lake at his summer home.
makes you wonder.
nothing extremely bad seemed to happen to the nice folks on that route during my tenure.
suffice it to say.............
i will never, ever jerk with my mailguy...
and a few that "challenged" me.
in fact three of the "challenges" lived on the same street.
VERY shortly after a particularly tough "situation" with customer #1,
i found out that he was guilty of Medicaid fraud (he was a shrink).
soon after, he lost his licence and faced a stiff financial penalty.
customer #2, after screwing with my brain, met a similar fate, only he was an anaesthesiologist, and wound up in the slammer!
customer # 3, (who insisted that i only deliver certain catalogs and not the others
even though i repeatedly tried to explain to him that when it comes to junk mail, it's all or nothing) wound up drowning in the lake at his summer home.
makes you wonder.
nothing extremely bad seemed to happen to the nice folks on that route during my tenure.
suffice it to say.............
i will never, ever jerk with my mailguy...
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