What not to say to your mailcarrier

As a public service I will now post a partial list of things NOT to say to your mailcarrier ever again. Thank you.

1)Do not say the following when referring to your dog: a) "He's friendly"
b) "He doesn't bite!"
c) "He's just looking for a treat."
d) "Don't worry, he probably just wants to lick you to death".

2) It's not cute, funny, or original to say :
a)" No bills today..only checks!"
b) "Where is my million dollar check from Publisher's Clearinghouse?"
c) " All you brought me is JUNK!"
d) "You might as well just throw it all in the recycling bin!"

3) If you feel inclined to speak about the weather at all, stay away from:
a) "Hot enough for you?"
b) "Is your truck air-conditioned?"
c) "Cold enough for you?"
d) "Stay dry/cool/warm!"
e) "Don't get wet!"
f) "Nice day..if you're a duck!"

4) Don't ask us if we work half days on saturdays..or worse yet..don't say "Have a nice weekend." when you see us on a friday. By now you should have figured out that you get the mail on saturdays and it is our tired old resentful asses that bring it to you.

5) We especially hate when we've been your carrier for 5 years and you ask us if we're "the regular on the route".

6) When we hand you the mail don't ask us "Is that all there is?".
Along the same lines, don't point to a magazine on the bottom of the stack we're holding and say "Are you sure that's not mine?"

7) When the price of stamps goes up, please don't make snide comments about all of us "getting a raise."
When the price of gas goes up, would you say the same thing to the guy that works at the gas station?

8) If you happen to see us grabbing our half-hour lunch, don't say something like "There's our federal tax dollars at work!"

This is a partial list.
Try your best not to go "customer" on us, and we will try not to go postal on you.

I'm just a girl that can't say ..BYE-BYE!!!!

So, I've got this customer.Nice guy. Kind of slow. Rumor is he had a brain injury. He saw me on TV and now comes to the mailbox everyday to chat. Chatting is not a bad thing, necessarily, but there is a time and PLACE for it. And his mailbox is NOT the place. Let me explain. His mailbox is what we at the PO call a rural box. The kind of box that is mounted on a post that you drive up to to deliver . His street is very busy and his box is located frighteningly close to an equally busy intersection . The road widens somewhat eventually, but in front of his house it is really narrow. It's the kind of situation where every day you want to make it through that stetch as quickly as possible. Early in my career I saw a carrier's jeep get mangled there...the carrier got thrown from his vehicle..it was nasty. That image has stayed with me VIVIDLY all these years.
Yesterday Mr. K came out for his chat. He was particularily long winded. I learned all about the history of Kodak, and many, many details about his children, and his grandchildren..especially the messed up one. With each new story I became more and more nervous about being rear ended. I had been there too long. I was pushing my luck. I wanted to tell him that I really had to go, but he seemed so lonely. He kept talking. I kept envisioning my ambulance ride to Strong Memorial hospital..bravely trying to joke with the EMT's as blood gushed from my eyes. It looked like he was winding down the conversation when suddenly he hit upon a brand new topic. The topic was ..how strange it was that so many people in his family had been REAR ENDED lately.
Sometimes I just can't believe this stuff actually happens to me.

nightmare on A street

ever have a nightmare playing itself out in real life?
as a kid I had three recurring nightmares. one was about being trapped inside a soap bubble, another was about a revolving bookcase that swung around with a dead body on the other side, and my most popular whacked out dream was that my teeth started falling out one by one.

the other day i was delivering to the very last house on my route. i was there at my usual time, around 3:45. they were having a garage sale and someone parked in front of their box, so i got out to bring the mail to my customer who was in her garage watching over her sale items. we had never really met each other so I introduced myself. she was a nice enough lady. we made some small talk, while another person entered her garage..(by the way it's a one car garage). Out of the corner of my eye i could see just enough of this peson to identify her as none other than MS. RIBBLE!..
The absolute last person i want to be jammed into a small space of any kind with..let alone a garage sale at ( gasp!) 3:45 pm!!! I could see the thought bubble over her head and it said " Yep..it figures..she's slacking off again..shopping when she's supposed to be working . No wonder our mail is always so late !!! (Harumph!).
I exited rapidly..glad to escape from that nightmare.

Mrs. H

I met her over 15 years ago while covering a postal buddy's route while he was on vacation.
Mrs. H was probably in her 90's and living quite happily alone . I think she had some family in town that would check on her, as did my postal buddy.
When I came to her house , I would make a lot of noise while putting her mail in the box to get her attention. I just wanted to make sure she was up and around.

I remember talking to her a few times. She said one thing to me that I will never forget.
Like probably everyone else that encountered her, I was curious to know her secret for keeping so vibrantly healthy after all these years.
This was her advice:" Stay away from fruits and vegetables!!! Just eat the stuff that you really enjoy"! I was awestruck! Her advice stands as one of the most wonderful things I have ever heard come out of anyone's mouth.
From time to time, as I consume some completely decadent delight, I hear her words bouncing around my brain and feel absolutely no guilt whatsoever. Thanks for that small gift Mrs. H...wherever you are.

mrs. T

I remember Mrs. T from 10 years ago when I used to cover her route once a week on the regular mailman's day off. For some reason I had it in my head that she was a complainer ..or at least... a customer to be leery of.
She is now my customer and officially becoming one of my favorites.
We started off well. Probably because her last carrier paved the way for me.
When I took over for Brian, she was very welcoming, and I was very surprised.
The key to our relationship now seems to be that her little dog likes me. She took that as a good sign.
On saturday we had our first extended conversation...and it was nothing short of a revelation.
She seems to be one that plays her cards close to the vest..not one to disclose much about her life.. but I think I hit her at the right time.
The more she talked, the more completely blown away I became.
I knew that her husband died a few years ago after a very long illness. What I didn't know was that within 2 weeks of his death, she signed up to go back to college after about a 60 year hiatus. She wound up getting her degree at 80 years old. She plays the trombone in a senior citizen band, she's taking a music course at a local college, volunteers, and here's the best part...REFUSES to go out to lunch with "the ladies" because it will cut into her day and she doesn't want to sit around and hear about people's aches and pains. You go girlfriend!
this job really has it's golden moments and our conversation was definitely one of them.

helpful larry?

my mailman buddy Larry was making a delivery to a nursing home yesterday when he saw a person in a wheelchair heading full tilt for a busy road. Kicking into "hero" mode, he stopped the resident before they got into traffic. he thought he did a good deed, but then figured out that the person was trying to escape. what he really did was wreck their shot at freedom. i guess the wheelchair has an alarm on it that gets set off when they bust a move for the exit. staff people were making a b-line for the resident like he was an escaped convict. hopefully by the time i'm in a nursing home the wheelchairs will be pimped out and i'll be able to leave my well-meaning minders in the dust.

a tale of two customers

Are you a good witch or a bad witch???
click on these to enlarge..

(for some reason couldn't get

them to scan at a decent size.

i'm such a neophyte !)