99.
no, not like 99 bottles of beer on the wall.
99 is the postal term for having a walking inspection of your route.
my 99 was just over a week ago, and fortunately, the supervisor that walked with me
was one of the good guys.
the weather was brisk and snowy.
the conversation was interesting.
at about the halfway point of the inspection he broke out this beautiful story.
his mom is getting on in years..somewhere in her 80's.
she has several friends that all look after each other.
one of them can hear, one can drive, one has a good memory..they all kind of pool their talents to get along.
the interesting thing about this group of ladies is that they also sing together
at people's funerals.
they call their singing group The Deadbeats!!!!!!
i don't think anyone knows that they call themselves this.
one of the Deadbeats passed away and left explicit instructions that the other Deadbeats were NOT to sing at her funeral because they suck (not her exact words).
hearing this story almost made the entire inspection worth the hassle.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
be careful what you wish for
lately while traipsing through yard after yard of shimmering whitestuff,
i've been bemoaning the fact that nothing interesting (read blogworthy) has happened on the job lately.
today that streak of boredom came to a crashing halt..almost literally.
With ten minutes left to deliver at the end of my nice, quiet,day, i turned my mail truck off of a cul-du-sac and back onto the main part of the street. something didn't feel right and the truck began sliding off the road and towards the mailbox of one of my customers who is lucky enough to call florida his home for the winter.
"good thing he won't be around to see the crash", i thought. amazingly i avoided the box and wound up in a small snowdrift.
WTF? I asked myself.
I wondered if maybe a large amount of snow and ice had gotten lodged underneath the chassis of the truck somehow as i had come around the corner.
maybe i'll just back it up and try to negotiate the truck in the right direction.
nice thought, but incorrect.
a concerned customer who does not have the good fortune (or perhaps, good sense) to live in florida half the year saw what was going on and came out of his house with a WTF? look on his face.
"maybe you got some snow and ice stuck under there somehow when you came around the corner" he offered.
yeah-no. i said.
let's back it up one more time just to be ridiculous.
no go.
"i just can't seem to steer this thing".
it took me a few minutes to realize that the steering wheel had absolutely no play in it at all. it was spinning all the way around with no resistance like a fake steering wheel mounted on a jungle gym at a playground that kids over zealously crank away on.
thankfully my tracphone was back in service after conking out unceremoniously and mysteriously the week before.
i called the HELP MY SORRY ASS line at the PO and they sent out a fellow carrier (Racecar Johnny) to take my mail.
as we waited for the tow truck, he said "I can't help it..i've got to see what's going on under the hood. we popped the hood and there it was...the steering column completely detached from the steering box.
"This is your lucky day" he told me.
somehow, freezing my ass off by the side of the road, i didn't feel so lucky.
"If this thing had busted 15 minutes from now when you were driving 50 mph back to the PO in heavy traffic..it would have been lights out".
now, i felt lucky.
"Do you think my funeral would have been fun"? i asked, not knowing what else to say.
"Yeah, i think it would've".
the tow truck dude arrived on scene..checked out the situation and asked me,
"Do you know how lucky you are that this happened where it did"?
guess i dodged bullet.
guess also, that sometimes keeping both hands on the wheel
won't always do the trick.
i've been bemoaning the fact that nothing interesting (read blogworthy) has happened on the job lately.
today that streak of boredom came to a crashing halt..almost literally.
With ten minutes left to deliver at the end of my nice, quiet,day, i turned my mail truck off of a cul-du-sac and back onto the main part of the street. something didn't feel right and the truck began sliding off the road and towards the mailbox of one of my customers who is lucky enough to call florida his home for the winter.
"good thing he won't be around to see the crash", i thought. amazingly i avoided the box and wound up in a small snowdrift.
WTF? I asked myself.
I wondered if maybe a large amount of snow and ice had gotten lodged underneath the chassis of the truck somehow as i had come around the corner.
maybe i'll just back it up and try to negotiate the truck in the right direction.
nice thought, but incorrect.
a concerned customer who does not have the good fortune (or perhaps, good sense) to live in florida half the year saw what was going on and came out of his house with a WTF? look on his face.
"maybe you got some snow and ice stuck under there somehow when you came around the corner" he offered.
yeah-no. i said.
let's back it up one more time just to be ridiculous.
no go.
"i just can't seem to steer this thing".
it took me a few minutes to realize that the steering wheel had absolutely no play in it at all. it was spinning all the way around with no resistance like a fake steering wheel mounted on a jungle gym at a playground that kids over zealously crank away on.
thankfully my tracphone was back in service after conking out unceremoniously and mysteriously the week before.
i called the HELP MY SORRY ASS line at the PO and they sent out a fellow carrier (Racecar Johnny) to take my mail.
as we waited for the tow truck, he said "I can't help it..i've got to see what's going on under the hood. we popped the hood and there it was...the steering column completely detached from the steering box.
"This is your lucky day" he told me.
somehow, freezing my ass off by the side of the road, i didn't feel so lucky.
"If this thing had busted 15 minutes from now when you were driving 50 mph back to the PO in heavy traffic..it would have been lights out".
now, i felt lucky.
"Do you think my funeral would have been fun"? i asked, not knowing what else to say.
"Yeah, i think it would've".
the tow truck dude arrived on scene..checked out the situation and asked me,
"Do you know how lucky you are that this happened where it did"?
guess i dodged bullet.
guess also, that sometimes keeping both hands on the wheel
won't always do the trick.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
thank God for stand up talks
yesterday our boss-of-the-hour gave us a delightful safety talk.
he had two things of high importance to share with us.
#1) Since the entire zipcode is under a sheet of ice, he told us to "watch our step out there, because it may be slippery".
#2) The brass in Buffalo have determined that if your vehicle gets stuck in the snow or on ice you should NOT EXCEED 35 mph while trying to rock your truck out of the rutt. If you gun it and hit 36 mph, your tire might explode.
All day long i kept singing "Rock Me Gently ".
It's horrible when you're walking for 5 hours a day and can't get an inane song out of your head. But it's still better to be singing a dumb song than to be thinking about an even more ridiculous stand up talk!
he had two things of high importance to share with us.
#1) Since the entire zipcode is under a sheet of ice, he told us to "watch our step out there, because it may be slippery".
#2) The brass in Buffalo have determined that if your vehicle gets stuck in the snow or on ice you should NOT EXCEED 35 mph while trying to rock your truck out of the rutt. If you gun it and hit 36 mph, your tire might explode.
All day long i kept singing "Rock Me Gently ".
It's horrible when you're walking for 5 hours a day and can't get an inane song out of your head. But it's still better to be singing a dumb song than to be thinking about an even more ridiculous stand up talk!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
recommended reading
What an awsome book.
Thanks Brian!
I looked for the part about the carrier that "falls hard" on Valentine's day..
not the falling in love kind of falling..
the falling on the black ice on the driveway
and bashing the crap out of your back kind!
It wasn't in there.
Guess I'll have to write a sequel!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I still can't believe this actually happened
it's sub zero. whipping winds...
i'm decked out in full arctic regalia.
furry hat, with the ear flaps down.
face mask that makes me look like i'm about to make a bank heist.
layers and layers of clothing.
after hours of walking, i'm almost done.
an old guy ( in his 70's at least) is waiting by his box for me.
this in itself is odd because NOBODY is out on the street in subzero.
to get his mail i have to reach over into the back of the truck.
here comes the really weird part.
he says: " Nice rear end! You can park it on my porch any time!"
WHAT???
I know that the heat makes me see things that aren't there.
does the cold make me hear things that weren't said?
I hesitated. Then I said "Thanks"...and drove off.
repeating to myself over and over "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"
To be honest, i was more humored than offended.
back in my early mailgal days i used to get plenty pissed if guys catcalled me while slinging the mail.
then a number of years go by and you're really more "mailma'am" than "mail girl".
the catcalls no longer happen, and you start thinking..."What's up with that..am i over the hill?"
so now it's up to the over seventy set to pick up the slack for all the twenty- somethings that see us older gals as a mother figure, if they see us at all.
but don't worry.
i won't be parking it on that guy's porch anytime soon.
i'm decked out in full arctic regalia.
furry hat, with the ear flaps down.
face mask that makes me look like i'm about to make a bank heist.
layers and layers of clothing.
after hours of walking, i'm almost done.
an old guy ( in his 70's at least) is waiting by his box for me.
this in itself is odd because NOBODY is out on the street in subzero.
to get his mail i have to reach over into the back of the truck.
here comes the really weird part.
he says: " Nice rear end! You can park it on my porch any time!"
WHAT???
I know that the heat makes me see things that aren't there.
does the cold make me hear things that weren't said?
I hesitated. Then I said "Thanks"...and drove off.
repeating to myself over and over "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"
To be honest, i was more humored than offended.
back in my early mailgal days i used to get plenty pissed if guys catcalled me while slinging the mail.
then a number of years go by and you're really more "mailma'am" than "mail girl".
the catcalls no longer happen, and you start thinking..."What's up with that..am i over the hill?"
so now it's up to the over seventy set to pick up the slack for all the twenty- somethings that see us older gals as a mother figure, if they see us at all.
but don't worry.
i won't be parking it on that guy's porch anytime soon.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
mailgirl ice capades
i am so glad that's over with.
most of last week was spent watching every single step i took .
there were no safe places to step.
the driveways..ice
the lawns...ice
the sidewalks..more ice
the porches..still more ice.
one big glacier for miles and miles..
i kept waiting for an escort from scott hamilton or michelle kwan.
i didn't even get to wear a nifty sequinned outfit and too much eye makeup.
i did think of will ferrell quite a bit though.
i went down a few times but mostly did that little spazzy-i'm- gonna -fall manuver about 10 zillion times. think dick vandyke entering his living room.
i walked along as gingerly as a gramma post hip replacement surgery ( no offense mom).
as i made my less than graceful way from house to house my only thought was:i hope no one is watching this.
as i drove home for lunch, i passed a fellow mail carrier doing the same painstaking shuffle across a lawn. i actually slowed down to see first hand just how awful it looked. it looked awful. (sorry jim r.)
tomorrow, the temps are going to be arctic with winds up to 35mph..but as long as the glacier is gone, i'm good.
most of last week was spent watching every single step i took .
there were no safe places to step.
the driveways..ice
the lawns...ice
the sidewalks..more ice
the porches..still more ice.
one big glacier for miles and miles..
i kept waiting for an escort from scott hamilton or michelle kwan.
i didn't even get to wear a nifty sequinned outfit and too much eye makeup.
i did think of will ferrell quite a bit though.
i went down a few times but mostly did that little spazzy-i'm- gonna -fall manuver about 10 zillion times. think dick vandyke entering his living room.
i walked along as gingerly as a gramma post hip replacement surgery ( no offense mom).
as i made my less than graceful way from house to house my only thought was:i hope no one is watching this.
as i drove home for lunch, i passed a fellow mail carrier doing the same painstaking shuffle across a lawn. i actually slowed down to see first hand just how awful it looked. it looked awful. (sorry jim r.)
tomorrow, the temps are going to be arctic with winds up to 35mph..but as long as the glacier is gone, i'm good.
Friday, January 25, 2008
(make me) sick call
remember back in the olden days when you woke up feeling like crap
and needed a day or two off?
remember when all you had to do was dial up your boss and tell him to find some
warm body to carry your route because you were not coming in?
i miss those days.
last week i woke up feeling like 5 pounds of poop in a one pound bag.
my ears were so plugged up that i didn't even hear my alarm, forcing my spouse to get up out of the rack and wonder what the hell was going on with me.
i was seriously out of it.
my head cold had taken over my head and was on the verge of taking over my respiratory
system as well.
the thought of putting my feet on the floor and standing up, (let alone finding the 1-800-I'M-Sicker-Than-A-Dog number) seemed like a monumental task.
i had no choice though, so, after considerable fumbling around in the darkness of my room,i found the number and dialed.
please punch in your employee identification number
ok
if this requested leave is for you, press 1.
ok
please state the reason for your leave request.
"illness", i mumbled into the phone..my morning voice full of congestion and disdain.
is this leave under the family leave act?
"no".
do you have any of the following conditions: on the job injury, pregnancy, chronic heartburn, night sweats, mood swings, acute exaggeration syndrome?"
"NO".
what type of leave are you requesting?
by this point my head was in my hands.
i tried to say "sick leave" but instead i coughed.
i'm sorry, i didn't understand you.did you say goodbye?
"NO."
what did you say?
"SICK LEAVE".
please say the day and time you want your sick leave to begin.
"cough"
i'm sorry, did you say "today?"
"cough..yes"
what time do you want the sick leave to begin?
ten @#$&%*minutes ago, i thought, but said
"7:30 am"
i think you said "10:30 am..is that correct?"
"NO!"
i'm sorry, i'm going to have to transfer your call to an operator.
while on hold, i attempted to regain my composure and not take my growing feelings of contempt out on the operator...
the poor dude that handled the call was so compassionate, bless his soul, it almost made me forget just how sickening the new system is.
and needed a day or two off?
remember when all you had to do was dial up your boss and tell him to find some
warm body to carry your route because you were not coming in?
i miss those days.
last week i woke up feeling like 5 pounds of poop in a one pound bag.
my ears were so plugged up that i didn't even hear my alarm, forcing my spouse to get up out of the rack and wonder what the hell was going on with me.
i was seriously out of it.
my head cold had taken over my head and was on the verge of taking over my respiratory
system as well.
the thought of putting my feet on the floor and standing up, (let alone finding the 1-800-I'M-Sicker-Than-A-Dog number) seemed like a monumental task.
i had no choice though, so, after considerable fumbling around in the darkness of my room,i found the number and dialed.
please punch in your employee identification number
ok
if this requested leave is for you, press 1.
ok
please state the reason for your leave request.
"illness", i mumbled into the phone..my morning voice full of congestion and disdain.
is this leave under the family leave act?
"no".
do you have any of the following conditions: on the job injury, pregnancy, chronic heartburn, night sweats, mood swings, acute exaggeration syndrome?"
"NO".
what type of leave are you requesting?
by this point my head was in my hands.
i tried to say "sick leave" but instead i coughed.
i'm sorry, i didn't understand you.did you say goodbye?
"NO."
what did you say?
"SICK LEAVE".
please say the day and time you want your sick leave to begin.
"cough"
i'm sorry, did you say "today?"
"cough..yes"
what time do you want the sick leave to begin?
ten @#$&%*minutes ago, i thought, but said
"7:30 am"
i think you said "10:30 am..is that correct?"
"NO!"
i'm sorry, i'm going to have to transfer your call to an operator.
while on hold, i attempted to regain my composure and not take my growing feelings of contempt out on the operator...
the poor dude that handled the call was so compassionate, bless his soul, it almost made me forget just how sickening the new system is.
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