What not to say to your mailcarrier

As a public service I will now post a partial list of things NOT to say to your mailcarrier ever again. Thank you.

1)Do not say the following when referring to your dog: a) "He's friendly"
b) "He doesn't bite!"
c) "He's just looking for a treat."
d) "Don't worry, he probably just wants to lick you to death".

2) It's not cute, funny, or original to say :
a)" No bills today..only checks!"
b) "Where is my million dollar check from Publisher's Clearinghouse?"
c) " All you brought me is JUNK!"
d) "You might as well just throw it all in the recycling bin!"

3) If you feel inclined to speak about the weather at all, stay away from:
a) "Hot enough for you?"
b) "Is your truck air-conditioned?"
c) "Cold enough for you?"
d) "Stay dry/cool/warm!"
e) "Don't get wet!"
f) "Nice day..if you're a duck!"

4) Don't ask us if we work half days on saturdays..or worse yet..don't say "Have a nice weekend." when you see us on a friday. By now you should have figured out that you get the mail on saturdays and it is our tired old resentful asses that bring it to you.

5) We especially hate when we've been your carrier for 5 years and you ask us if we're "the regular on the route".

6) When we hand you the mail don't ask us "Is that all there is?".
Along the same lines, don't point to a magazine on the bottom of the stack we're holding and say "Are you sure that's not mine?"

7) When the price of stamps goes up, please don't make snide comments about all of us "getting a raise."
When the price of gas goes up, would you say the same thing to the guy that works at the gas station?

8) If you happen to see us grabbing our half-hour lunch, don't say something like "There's our federal tax dollars at work!"

This is a partial list.
Try your best not to go "customer" on us, and we will try not to go postal on you.

I'm just a girl that can't say ..BYE-BYE!!!!

So, I've got this customer.Nice guy. Kind of slow. Rumor is he had a brain injury. He saw me on TV and now comes to the mailbox everyday to chat. Chatting is not a bad thing, necessarily, but there is a time and PLACE for it. And his mailbox is NOT the place. Let me explain. His mailbox is what we at the PO call a rural box. The kind of box that is mounted on a post that you drive up to to deliver . His street is very busy and his box is located frighteningly close to an equally busy intersection . The road widens somewhat eventually, but in front of his house it is really narrow. It's the kind of situation where every day you want to make it through that stetch as quickly as possible. Early in my career I saw a carrier's jeep get mangled there...the carrier got thrown from his vehicle..it was nasty. That image has stayed with me VIVIDLY all these years.
Yesterday Mr. K came out for his chat. He was particularily long winded. I learned all about the history of Kodak, and many, many details about his children, and his grandchildren..especially the messed up one. With each new story I became more and more nervous about being rear ended. I had been there too long. I was pushing my luck. I wanted to tell him that I really had to go, but he seemed so lonely. He kept talking. I kept envisioning my ambulance ride to Strong Memorial hospital..bravely trying to joke with the EMT's as blood gushed from my eyes. It looked like he was winding down the conversation when suddenly he hit upon a brand new topic. The topic was ..how strange it was that so many people in his family had been REAR ENDED lately.
Sometimes I just can't believe this stuff actually happens to me.