What not to say to your mailcarrier

As a public service I will now post a partial list of things NOT to say to your mailcarrier ever again. Thank you.

1)Do not say the following when referring to your dog: a) "He's friendly"
b) "He doesn't bite!"
c) "He's just looking for a treat."
d) "Don't worry, he probably just wants to lick you to death".

2) It's not cute, funny, or original to say :
a)" No bills today..only checks!"
b) "Where is my million dollar check from Publisher's Clearinghouse?"
c) " All you brought me is JUNK!"
d) "You might as well just throw it all in the recycling bin!"

3) If you feel inclined to speak about the weather at all, stay away from:
a) "Hot enough for you?"
b) "Is your truck air-conditioned?"
c) "Cold enough for you?"
d) "Stay dry/cool/warm!"
e) "Don't get wet!"
f) "Nice day..if you're a duck!"

4) Don't ask us if we work half days on saturdays..or worse yet..don't say "Have a nice weekend." when you see us on a friday. By now you should have figured out that you get the mail on saturdays and it is our tired old resentful asses that bring it to you.

5) We especially hate when we've been your carrier for 5 years and you ask us if we're "the regular on the route".

6) When we hand you the mail don't ask us "Is that all there is?".
Along the same lines, don't point to a magazine on the bottom of the stack we're holding and say "Are you sure that's not mine?"

7) When the price of stamps goes up, please don't make snide comments about all of us "getting a raise."
When the price of gas goes up, would you say the same thing to the guy that works at the gas station?

8) If you happen to see us grabbing our half-hour lunch, don't say something like "There's our federal tax dollars at work!"

This is a partial list.
Try your best not to go "customer" on us, and we will try not to go postal on you.