(make me) sick call

remember back in the olden days when you woke up feeling like crap
and needed a day or two off?
remember when all you had to do was dial up your boss and tell him to find some
warm body to carry your route because you were not coming in?
i miss those days.

last week i woke up feeling like 5 pounds of poop in a one pound bag.
my ears were so plugged up that i didn't even hear my alarm, forcing my spouse to get up out of the rack and wonder what the hell was going on with me.
i was seriously out of it.
my head cold had taken over my head and was on the verge of taking over my respiratory
system as well.
the thought of putting my feet on the floor and standing up, (let alone finding the 1-800-I'M-Sicker-Than-A-Dog number) seemed like a monumental task.
i had no choice though, so, after considerable fumbling around in the darkness of my room,i found the number and dialed.

please punch in your employee identification number
ok
if this requested leave is for you, press 1.
ok
please state the reason for your leave request.
"illness", i mumbled into the phone..my morning voice full of congestion and disdain.
is this leave under the family leave act?
"no".
do you have any of the following conditions: on the job injury, pregnancy, chronic heartburn, night sweats, mood swings, acute exaggeration syndrome?"
"NO".
what type of leave are you requesting?
by this point my head was in my hands.
i tried to say "sick leave" but instead i coughed.
i'm sorry, i didn't understand you.did you say goodbye?
"NO."
what did you say?
"SICK LEAVE".
please say the day and time you want your sick leave to begin.
"cough"
i'm sorry, did you say "today?"
"cough..yes"
what time do you want the sick leave to begin?
ten @#$&%*minutes ago, i thought, but said
"7:30 am"
i think you said "10:30 am..is that correct?"
"NO!"
i'm sorry, i'm going to have to transfer your call to an operator.

while on hold, i attempted to regain my composure and not take my growing feelings of contempt out on the operator...
the poor dude that handled the call was so compassionate, bless his soul, it almost made me forget just how sickening the new system is.

inner space

one thing i did not know before becoming a mailgirl
was that while you may own your home
and therefore the mailbox that came along with it,
you do not own
the space inside the mailbox.
that space is the property of the USPS.
that's why, technically, nobody but us can put advertising
or any other type of notice inside your mailbox.

today a mailpal of mine told me a story about Steve,
a mailman that was covering for the regular during the holiday
season. the regular told steve that if he picked up any food or booze
he could keep it for himself as long as he wrote down the address and description of the gift
so a proper thank you note could be written.
steve agreed to that arrangement.
the next time steve was on the route he opened a box and was
delighted to see a small apple pie inside the box.
he picked it up and took note of the address, then went back to his truck and quickly proceeded to dig into it.
only after devouring the whole thing did he see the attached tag.
it was then he realized that he had inadvertently eaten a pie that one neighbor,
in an act of holiday kindness had
made for another neighbor and left safely in their mailbox.

guess they never heard that thing about the PO owning the space in the box either.
wonder what that thank you note said!