Bootylicious part II

Who Knew????

Yes, THE BOOTS that received so much scorn when
i brought them home
are now gracing the pages of stylish magazines!!!
according to this blurb,
my boots (a.k.a. "snow joggers")
are not just hot,they are SIZZLING.
just another reminder to never
look a gift boot
in
the mouth.
Thanks again Mr. C
for your kind gift
and for helping me stay on the cutting edge
of
high fashion.
I'm now hot on the heels
of trendy fashionistas everywhere.

These boots were made for
stylin'
and that's just what they'll do.

(with regards to
Ms. Nancy Sinatra
wherever she's walkin' now.)

we are santa's elves

despite
miles of
snow drifts
and
walking up driveways
that are icy enough
to pass for hockey rinks

and hopping out of the truck
to make
mounted deliveries
because the snowplow guy is a rookie
and is afraid of getting too close to the boxes

despite
all of the
heavy volume
and long hours
and exhaustion

a real
sense of
excitement
always creeps
into
the
job
this time of year

on december 26th
we go back
to being
regular
old
mail carriers

but

for a few

brief
magical
days
we are santa's elves

oh really?

in case you can't read what is written on this candy bar
it says
WORLD'S GREATEST MAILMAN

P recieved this from a customer the other day and now insists that it is "proof"
that he is THE best. ever.

what about the tens of thousands of other mailmen and women around the country that also received that very same gift?
huh? ever think about that big guy?????

do us a favor. just put the thing away in a drawer.
or better yet.. eat it.

Tip! Tip! Hurray!

usually, brutal weather will bring out "sympathy tips" early and often.
but the tips just weren't happening for me this year.
that was until my pal L gave me my squishy dinosaur pal named Freddie.
day one with freddie on the route i pulled in one envelope.
the next day the same.
haven't hit a day without a tip since then.
mere coincidence?
perhaps.
but i still believe in getting a little help from the tip totems.
in this photo you can see Saint Martha along with Freddie.
Saint Martha is the Patron Saint of Waiters and Waitresses, housewives, cooks, dietitians, butlers and travellers.
i figure if she works for all of them, she should be able to help us out too.

i bought Saint Martha last christmas for my mail pal P.
she comes complete with a stand, a full halo, AND a Prayer Card.
here's what it says on the prayer card:

Prayer to Assist in Receiving Generous Tips


O blessed St. Martha, I beseech thee to help me serve others with just enough grace, humility and patience to garner a healthy gratuity. Amen.

Yes . amen to that.

big HUGE storm expected to roll in tonight.
monday, which will be a snow day for rest of the known world (that only have to drive to work), will be a major league fiasco for those of us that have to spend the entire day trooping through drifts up to our eyeballs, carrying parcels, and fighting with the snowplow guys..because there is only room for one vehicle on the road (theirs, of course)( apparently they haven't heard the saying "through rain, sleet, SNOW, or hail...)
but that's another entry.

will big storm = big tips?
that is the carrier equation that remains to be solved.

I'm dreaming of a white carpet

every christmas i think back to all of the kind customers that have invited me in for a minute or two to warm up and have some holiday chit-chat.
i particularly remember Mr. and Mrs.G ordering me in to sing a few christmas carols around their gorgeous grand piano in their gorgeous living room in their gorgeous house.
they were well into their 80's at the time..maybe even 90's...how could i resist such a lovely invitation from such a lovely couple?
"don't bother to take your boots off honey..just come on in!"
"are you sure Mrs. G?" I asked, surveying her white wall to wall carpet.
"yes, i'm sure! come on over to the piano."
so i did.
i stood there as she sat down and played Angels We Have Heard On High followed by a beautiful rendition of Silent Night.
"this is the stuff holiday memories are made of", i thought to myself.
then i looked down.
beneath my feet was not just a large puddle..but a black large puddle.
should i say something?
after all, she said it was OK to keep my boots on.
i made a gracious, but quick exit..grateful for their hospitality and their apparently failing eyesight!

what the hootenanny

there is a cul- du-sac on my route.
one of the houses is set way back off the circle.
i had a parcel for the nice old guy that lives there.
the driveway leading to the house is way too long to walk, so
i drove it back and rang the bell.
no response.
rang again.
waited.
nothing.
it was pretty snowy so instead of just leaving it out on the stoop
i opened his storm door to stick it safely inside.
big BIG mistake.
a siren went off that sounded like a bonified air raid drill.
that was followed by a booming voice (think announcer at an NFL game)
saying "SECURITY HAS BEEN BREACHED. THE POLICE HAVE BEEN CALLED. LEAVE THE PREMISES
IMMEDIATELY!"
Then the air raid blast again.
Followed by the VOICE again.
while making my escape i saw the speakers on top of the guy's roof that looked like they should have been set up for a Rolling Stones Concert at Madison Square Garden.
Talk about overkill!
The message kept blaring!
This went on for as long as i was on the street.
I drove along feeling like some sort of criminal leaving the scene of a crime.

Note to self:
next time leave the old man's package on the snowy doorstep and drive slowly away.

Bootylicious !

I was running really late during a blinding snowstorm the other day
when one of my retired customers came to the door.
He asked me to come in.
This is a guy that once told me he had "more money than he knew what to do with".
I was thinking "here comes my first tip of the season".
When I stepped inside, he asked "what size feet do you have?"
Then I was thinking "here comes a pair of his dead wife's shoes".
He brought up these snow boots from the basement.
I was very touched.
The guy is a total sweetheart.
When i brought them home to show my family, the general consensus was that i should toss them out
because they have "a dead person's DNA on them".

Just an afterthought, does this qualify as a booty call?
In any event, it's always nice to get a little christmas bootie of any type.