forget sleet..what about heat?

Who is responsible for penning the postal motto about Rain, sleet, snow and hail ? In my humble ( but nonetheless correct) opinion it needs to be amended to read: Rain , HEAT, snow and dogs.
How often does it actually SLEET ? Almost never. Heat is the true enemy of mail carriers.
Most people ask " How do you do it in the winter..delivering in the snowdrifts and freezing weather?". When it's cold we put on more clothes..lots and lots of strategic layers of wonderfully effective hi-tech gear.
The problem comes when it's hotter than hell..we can't very well take our clothes off. We can't put our underwear in the freezer the night before. We just have to kind of suck it up. Slam on the safari hat, and hope for a breeze. We also hope that absolutely no one asks " Is it hot enough for you?" and pray that many people will take pity on us and invite us in for something to drink. ( One time an elderly couple asked me in for a glass of lemonade and somehow I wound up on a 15 minute tour of their house which found me jammed inside their walk-in closet with the wife's lingerie two inches from my face..but that's another story).
Drinking plenty of fluids... means 8 glasses a day, right ? Not if you're out on your route and it's 90 degrees .
Then it's about 8 glasses every ten minutes. Weird stuff happens to your brain if you don't drink enough. Yesterday, after many hours in the sun with no break, no breeze and insufficient water intake, my mind started playing tricks on me. Driving to deliver the last street on my route, I saw something outside of my vehicle, smushed on the road. It was a road kill for sure, but to me, in my severely dehydrated delirium, I SWORE it was a dead baby pig..here comes the weird part...WITH WINGS. I was so sure about it that i almost turned the truck around to get a second look. Made me think about the expression.." when pigs fly".
Obviously, this one tried and it didn't work out so well.
Most people get wacked out when they drink too much. Guess the same thing can happen when you don't drink enough...

pump up the volume

there is this one gal on my route. i don't want to call her a first class bi-otch, so let's just be kind and say that she seems to be missing the pleasantness gene.
no matter how friendly i am, she greets me with the same pissed off look on her face.
the only time she actually spoke to me, she "congratulated" me for "breaking the record "for delivering her mail later than ANY other carrier. Wow! Only three weeks on the job and i'm already rewriting the record book. Aren't I something!
Foolishly, i tried to explain that i had delivered the route backwards to avoid getting stuck on her street during the mobfest that was her neighborhood garage sale. she was not buying it.
obviously, there was NO acceptable excuse for my tardiness.
i temporarily pondered " congratulating" her for being THE most miserable customer i had EVER dealt with in my 20 years in the P.O. but instead, held my tongue and went along my merry way wondering what would cause someone to become such a bitter pill.
a couple days ago i was listening to a talk show on NPR while delivering the mail near her house. as usual, i had the volume on my transistor at a politely low setting. the show was an interview with an author that was plugging her new book about happiness. it was very engrossing. as i approached Ms. Ribble's house, i reflexively thought about turning the volume down as i always do when in her yard so as to avoid her wrath. this woman definitely does not need one more thing to be annoyed by.
my finger was on the volume control. her front door was open. the author was hitting a fevered pitch about the importance of finding some sort of happiness in life.... how it doesn't have to be elusive. I turned the volume UP. it was for her own good. then i walked on. feeling happy.

Wicked funny

A conversation I had with one of my customers yesterday keeps replaying in my head.
It was only the second time we'd ever spoken.
The first time we talked, he warned me about a huge upcoming neighbhood garage sale that might cause me some problems with parking. I thanked him for the heads up and that was pretty much the whole encounter.
When I saw him yesterday he asked me how I survived the garage sale. Then, before I knew it he was giving me a fascinating history of the neighborhood.
It was built in the 1920's for Kodak employees. The builders came over from Germany and were exquisite craftsman. The homes are picture perfect..well manicured tudors. Each house is unique. It is a beautiful area and with one notable exception the people are unusually friendly. The whole place feels charmed.
"Do you know that in all of my 30 years living here it has NEVER rained on one of our garage sales , parades or picnics ?"
"Wow ..that's amazing !"
"Do you want to know our secret?"
Of course I did.
"You can't tell anyone" he said moving closer and lowering his voice.
Of course I wouldn't.
"The night before each one of our events, we sacrifice one child from the street. One unattractive, not very bright child". " With the parents permission of course".
Of course.
"And" he said "there's a waiting list".
Yup. I think I'm gonna like this route.

through rain, sleet, snow and exactas

Two saturdays ago, my co-worker X, was called up to the bedroom of his elderly and infirm customer. She had a request for him.
No, not " Would you please mail this for me?" or " Could you buy me some stamps?".
Instead she wanted him to place an exacta bet for the Kentucky Derby at the Off Track Betting parlor, located one town over from his route.
Did he fulfill that request?
You bet he did (pardon the pun). . even helped her pick the second horse. They almost won the darn thing too...the second horse came in third!
The things we do for our customers.
One bet I feel very safe in making is that this lady gives him a BIG old tip at Christmas.
He may not be the best at giving tips on horses, but when it comes to getting Christmas tips from nice old ladies, he is a complete stud.

Fringe benefits

some jobs give you a christmas bonus , trips to Vegas, and an expense account.
so far, after one week on my new route I've been given a hummingbird feeder and two ceramic ducks. i was also offered size 9 shoes ( several pair) and half a bottle of Peach Schnapps..but had to turn that stuff down.
All in all a pretty good haul...and all from the same customer. Wonder what if anything the other 300-and -some will come up with.

Thoughts from the Route

It's a blue collar job. Not very sexy. No status. But there's something about it..something old school...something retro..nostalgic... something timeless. I've been at it for 20 years now and while there are days that are decidedly not fun, I mostly love it. I love the way some customers greet you like you're their long lost relative even though you saw them the day before. I love the high maintenance mail obsessed ones that seem like their day is made or broken by what you put in their mailbox. I love the nasty ones that give you practice in learning to keep your cool under fire. I love that even though they piss me off I never call them an a-hole until I'm at least 30o ft. away. As much as I may have wanted to, I'm proud to say I have never maced a customer.
So this will be my compost pile. A place to put my stories and the stories of other mail carriers. We'll see what it all comes to be.
I started a new route last week , so I will be coming to know a completely new cast of characters. Change is good. It feels like an adventure.